Thursday, April 14, 2011

HNT - Spud Wars: Return Of The Spud-Eye

This blog post is a serialized story continued from HNT- Spud Wars: The Carb-Eater Strikes Back

While Mark was off training how to use his newly acquired culinary weapons, Darth was having trouble sleeping.

Every time he finally closed his dozens of eyes and fell asleep, he kept being woken by the terrible dreams of the memory of Mark unmasking him.

Finally he resolved that he wouldn’t be able to rest until he sought his revenge against Mark. And so he headed off to the kitchen to seek the advice of the wise old Mister Bunny.

Mister Bunny, you see, doesn’t choose sides. He’s a neutral player in the battle between . . . goofy and stupid (there is no “good and evil” here, just goofy and stupid), and thus offers advice to all those who seek his counsel.

“What can I do to beat him?” Darth asked Mister Bunny.

“Bigger than you and stronger than you, he is,” Mister Bunny said. “But as a Wilde man once said, nothing exceeds like excess."

"INXS? I haven't listened to their music in years - although, I'm rather fond of Devil Inside."

"No, not the rock band from Australia. Although my favourite one of their songs, by the way, is Need You Tonight. I'm talking about excess. As in too many, or multiple; a lot."


Mister Bunny realized he was again slipping into normal talk, and for some reason was hardly ever understood when he did that. So he reverted to Yoda-speak.  "Clone yourself, you must. And take him down your sheer number will.”

“But how?” Darth asked.

"Oh, for Pete's sake," Mister Bunny said, pausing to grimace at the camera.  "Do I have to spell it out for you?  Potatoes are self-replicating. Slice off a small chunk of yourself with an eye on it, bury that piece, and voila, you'll be able to grow a new genetically identical you. Do this with multiple pieces, and you'll have a clone army."

"Cool, great idea, Mister. Thanks for the idea. Let's celebrate with a toast."

"No thanks, I never eat the stuff. But in that spirit, here's mud in your eye." With that, Mister Bunny walked away, leaving Darth to dwell on his evil plans.

To be continued . . . next week

Will Darth learn the proper art of potato farming quickly enough to assemble an army and defeat Mark? Will Mister Bunny go back to his cage and put on an old INXS album? Where was Mark, anyway? Isn't this his blog? And wouldn't it have been fun to see him training with the culinary weapons? A fun montage of training clips put to inspirational music, perhaps? And what's more annoying - the goofy storyline or these inane questions at the end? Get the answers to perhaps some of these questions in next week's continuing story of . . .

* The font used for the SPUD WARS logo above came from Boba Fonts on Fontspace - check out all their cool designs.


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