Thursday, April 07, 2011

HNT - Spud Wars: The Carb-Eater Strikes Back

This blog post is a serialized story continued from HNT- Spud Wars: Darth Tater Unmasked

When we last left off, Darth Tater had jumped to attack an unconscious Mark as revenge for his father's needless death in a messy incident involving ketchup and gravy. Just as Darth was about to take Mark out with a finishing blow, he realized that he was half-nekkid, that his picture was going to be posted on a blog that would be seen by dozens of people.  So he stopped and bent down to retrive his mask.

As Darth was retrieving his mask, Mark awoke from his girlyman faint.

"Now's my chance!" Mark said.

"Your chance for what?" Darth said, placing his mask back on.

"Whoops, was that out loud?"

"Yes, it was." Darth said. "But you  never answered my question. Your chance for what?"

"My chance to escape!"

Mark immediately fled the scene, leaving an angry Darth Tater behind.

"Come back here you carb-eating chicken!" Darth shouted at him. But Darth's little feet and short stubby legs were no match for a person who stands 6 foot 3 and is filled with desperate fear.

Mark kept running until he made it far, far away.  (Okay, it was only to the kitchen. But to someone like Darth Tater with stubby legs, the kitchen was a whole galaxy away).

There in the kitchen (also known as the Dego system), Mark met up with the wise old sage, Mister Bunny.

"Tell me, wise old bunny, how can I defend myself against Darth Tater?"

"I'm only 10," Mister Bunny said.


"I'm only 10. I'm not old."

"Oh. I see." Mark said, not wanting to bring up the fact that, in dwarf rabbit years, 10 is considered geriatric. "Well, I couldn't just call you bunny."

"You could have called me Mister. Or you could have bothered to ask me my name."

"Sorry," Mark said. "What is your name?"


"That's an odd name." Mark said. "Couldn't I call you Dennis?"

"Only if you want people to get the obscure reference to a scene from Monty Python's The Holy Grail that you're ripping off."

"Fair enough, I'll call you Mister.  Tell me, Mister Bunny, how could a weak scardy cat like myself ever hope to defeat Darth Tater?"

"Defeat him, you will not, " Mister Bunny said, remembering momentarily that wise old sage characters are supposed to talk with a certain flair. "Unless the right utensil you have."


"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Mister Bunny said, giving up on being elusive with his advice. "Use the FORKS, Mark! Use the forks."

"The forks?" Mark asked as he opened the drawer and pulled one out.

"Yes, the forks. Or, at least one fork. And then use the peeler and the potato smasher."

Mister Bunny explained that Mark should first use the fork in a stabbing motion to hold Darth Tater in place. Then he should use the peeler to remove his protective armour skin.

And then, finally, the potato masher, to finish him off.

So with weapons, and a half-baked plan in hand, Mark steeled himself up for the death battle with Darth Tater.

To be continued . . . next week

Will Mark be able to successfully use the forks (or at least the one fork)? Will this storyline continue to loosely draw on the original George Lucas tale for really bad puns? Will this story continue to spoof and rip off other classic stories whenever Mark tries reaching for humour? And seriously, is anybody out there actually on the edge of their seat while reading a "remastered" re-run tale of a serial blog story originally told in 2006? Some of these questions might be answered in next week's continuing story of . . .
* The font used for the SPUD WARS logo above came from Boba Fonts on Fontspace - check out all their cool designs.

1 comment:

Andrea said...

Waiting with bated breath for the next installment, oh girlyman!