HNT - Spud Wars: All This Violence

This blog post is a serialized story continued from HNT - Spud Wars: The Final Standoff


As Alexander put Darth Tater into an unbreakable half nelson, Darth said: "I give, I give. But please put me down, I have something important to say."

"Wait a minute," Alexander said. "That's not how it happened. That's not the exact dialogue. You're changing the story."

"It's called creative licence, kid!" A disembodied voice said. "You need to bring the reader up to speed in a continuing story by summing up the very last bit of the previous episode."

"Yes, but that's lying, isn't it? My parents said lying is not good, and if I lie they will take my favourite toys away. What do you suggest I do in this predicament?"

There was a long pause before the disembodied voice finally said: "Please, just get on with it. Darth said he had something important to say. In response, you say?"


"Okay," Alexander said. "I'm all ears."

"That's funny," Darth said. "Because I'm all eyes. Get it? Eyes? A potato that's all eyes?"

"It's not funny if you have to explain it," Alexander sighed. "That's one of the reasons why this story is such a flop. Now tell me what you wanted to say."

"I wanted to say that if you look at it, we're even. Your father ate my father as a pile of french fries, and I slaughtered your father. So we're even. We should call a truce."


"Hmm," Alexander said. "You do have a point. Maybe we should call a truce."

"Ah," said Darth. "This feels good."

"It sure does," Alexander responded. "But you know what? All this violence makes me want to play violent video games."

"Yeah," Darth said with a grin. "Me too."


And so the two sat down and turned on the X-Box and started to play violent video games, proving the age old belief that violence in the real world breeds the desire to play violent video games (and that if you have to repeatedly explain a joke, it's not all that funny to begin with).

"This is a cool game," Darth said. "What's it called?"

"Astrosmash!" Alexander said. "It's a game my Dad used to play when he was really young on his Intellivision game system."

"Your Dad was young once?"

"Yes, apparently. You wouldn't know to look at him now, though."

"Hmm, I COULD picture him as a bald little baby."


As they were engaged in their game and chit-chat, neither of them seemed to notice a strange shadow creeping up behind them . . .

To be continued . . . in HNT - Spud Wars: The Conclusion

Does real world violence actually lead to the playing of violent video games, or is it the other way around? When do fish sleep? What is the sound of one hand clapping? If a tree falls on a blog that nobody reads, does it still make a sound? Okay, you'll find the answer to none of these questions, but you WILL find out who is creeping up behind Darth Tater and Alexander in next week's concluding episode of . . .

* The font used for the SPUD WARS logo above came from Boba Fonts on Fontspace - check out all their cool designs.

And Now For Something A Little Different

Once upon a time, I wrote a story, sent it to a editor, they accepted it, the story appeared in their magazine, a few hundred people might read it, and then it would disappear.

Once upon a time, I wrote a short story called "Spirits" and ended up wanting to try something different with it.

"Spirits" is the tale of Sally and Rob, two young lovers who are caught up in the legend of The Phoenix Baby, the ghostly crying that haunts a repertory theatre in the city of Ottawa.  As they unravel the mystery behind the legend, they find themselves becoming inextricably entangled to the old abandoned building.

The story is set mostly at The Phoenix theatre on Bank Street in Ottawa, which had closed when I was there in 1991. (I took heavy liberties with the history of the building in my story, ignoring the fact it used to be called The Rivoli & was only the Phoenix for a few years - there's a great look at the history of Bank Street and its buildings in Ottawa, including the theatre used for my story on the URBSite blog)

Empty lot where The Phoenix used to stand - from "Bank Street Then & Now"

"Spirits" is a cross between the normal type of story I write (horror, dark humour, heavy speculative fiction elements), was more of a contemporary tale - a bit of a mystery, with an underlying love story to it. For that reason, it never quite "fit" with the usual markets I would send my fiction to. But because it contained a subtle speculative element, it also didn't quite fit well with contemporary or literary markets.

But it was a story I thought had merit. So I kept re-writing it, re-editing it, polishing it and sending it out.

A few years ago, when Lawrence Hill was writer in residence at McMaster University, I booked an appointment with him and he took a look at "Spirits." He offered some great constructive feedback for the tale, and pointed out several things about it that he quite liked. Knowing the tale didn't turn Larry off and that he found it enjoyable gave me fresh hope.

But I still kept getting back the classic "good story, just not right for us" response.

I had two options - keep sending it out and hoping it eventually found a home (because that's what writers do); or put it back in the drawer.

However, I thought maybe there was another option.

What if I pushed it out their straight to digital and sold the story for 99 cents? I chose 99 cents because the story might take someone about half an hour to read (at least that's how long the audio version of the tale goes - of course, I pause for dramatic effect, so maybe reading quietly might take 15 to 20 minutes) - and 99 cents is a pretty good price to pay for half an hour's entertainment, isn't it? 

When I was sending the story out, I was shooting for 5 cents/word, which is a standard pro rate for short fiction markets. That's just under $300 for a story that runs 5700 words. Thus, selling the story digitally, I'd need to sell about 500 to make the same amount of money.

And yes, it'd be cool to make that much money off the story - but more interesting, still, just to give it a try and see how it goes. 

For that reason, I loaded the story to Amazon to be available on their Kindle platform. I also loaded it to Smashwords which distributes to all the major ebook retailers (Kobo, Sony, Diesel, etc) - at this point it's available at Smashwords but hasn't yet cascaded to all the other channels.

I thought it might also be fun to do a push on Friday June 3, 2011 to see if some folks were interested in buying it, that I could get them to perhaps buy it on the same day. That might have an effect on getting it onto the "top seller" lists via Amazon and Smashwords. Or it might not. But you can't blame a guy for trying.



I also recorded an audio version of the story which is available completely for free on my "Prelude To A Scream" podcast. Yes, you can listen to the entire story for free online or download it and listen to it on your iPod or mp3 player. And if you like that free audio experience, perhaps you'd throw this writer a bone and consider either buying it, or perhaps posting a positive review so that others might find it.

The cover was put together using a picture my friend Greg Roberts took. You can tell I'm not a designer - but I just wanted something simple to represent the story in an image. I thought Greg's shadow picture perfectly captured the theme behind the tale; the fact that "people who haven't died can still leave their spirit in a place" the same way they might perhaps leave a shadow -- except, of course, the spirit is a lasting shadow.

And in any case, this is yet another experient with getting my fiction out there.

I'm curious to see how it goes.

Change Is Bad; Trust No One!

… … The title of this blog post "Change is bad; trust no one!" is something a buddy of mine named Mathew used to jokingly utter under his breath, particularly during the sweeping changes that struck Chapters Online during the dot com bust in 2000.

Mathew, someone who embraces change, was being cheeky when uttering that phrase, but the sad truth is it's the mantra of so many people.

I fell victim to it the other day.

But when I paused to actually look at the details, I realised I was being closed-minded and change-averse. And, interestingly enough, I was so upset with the change that I missed the fact that this change was good.

The President's Choice brand recently changed the packaging for one of their BBQ sauces - Smokin Stampede Beer & Chipotle BBQ sauces. Since I first discovered it, it has been among my favourites. We ALWAYS have a bottle in the house.

My immediate thought upon seeing the updated packaging was: "Oh great - smaller package, same price. The big companies are screwing with us again; giving us less while charging the same price, or more." In this case, the packaging changed, but the price remained the same (Although, admittedly, when a consumer gets this frazzled, you might as well have also "upped" the price)

Last night while BBQing, I used up the original sause, so brought out the new bottle. I was so upset, I even went to take a picture of the two of them side by side so I could tweet my disappointment to the world.

Of course, it was only when I was taking the picture that I looked closely at the label.

The new "smaller" package was still 1L - the exact same size as the original glass bottle. Only, the plastic one was, naturally, half the weight and much easier to grip in one hand. Also, when I went to pour it, the new packaging had an "easy to pour" flip lid, while the old one, while classic and stylish with a cork pop top, was messy.

Simply, the old packaging, while "neat" and unique, was too heavy, difficult to fit nicely in the refrigerator, too messy and just think about the freight involved in shipping a skid of them.

The new packaging (which runs the exact same price for the consumer) is lighter, easier to handle, easier to store, and easier to use. It's a phenomenal improvement.

However, remember my initial reaction? Negative. "Change is bad!"

Even though I joke and make fun, I fall victim to this close-minded perspective.

Perhaps there are other things changing that we're missing the boat on. That's definitely worth keeping in mind.

No Mud Run For You!

The past two years, I've partaken in the Mud Run - Canada's Dirtiest 10K which takes place at Claireville Conservation area in North Toronto.

This has always been a fun run for me to do and something I look forward to each spring. I started doing the Mud Run the year I turned 40. You can read all about how I did it (and how YOU should never do it) on this blog post from 2009.

The first picture of me below (taken this morning) is one with my bibs from each race from the past two years. Can you see the look of disappointment on my face acknowledging the fact I won't be participating in this year's race?

 And the reason I had to drop out of the 2011 Mud Run is because of the next photo of me below (taken last Thursday). Thursday evening I suffered some incredibly powerful chest pains -- I didn't have any other symptoms (except for a strange feeling of intense heart-burn, which is quite rare for me). Simply, I was working quietly on my computer when, all of a sudden it felt as if somebody had slammed a two-by-four into my chest. There was a tightening pain that shot from the middle of my chest and spread quickly to encompass the entire area.

Pretty frightening fifteen minutes while I tried to figure out what I should do.

To make a long story short, while I SHOULD have called 911 immediately, I waited until Francine got home before deciding I should play it safe and go into ER.

 

So I went into the ER, they immediately hooked me up to machines with sticky nobby things across my chest, sides, arms and legs, and ran blood tests. They kept me there for 8 hours.  I was given an "everything seems to be okay" with one minor issue that was consistent on the heart tests.

They found a borderline intraventricular conduction delay and want me to return for all day tests on Wed June 1st where I'll be hooked up to more machines and get to run on treadmills, etc.

To live out a boyhood dream, I'm imagining myself like Steve Austin (Lee Majors) in the opening sequence to The Six Million Dollar Man, lifting weights, running on a treadmill and amazing the doctors - I just hope the doctors don't hear me making that classic "bionic man" noise under my breath while I'm performing the tests.

But in any case, when they told me about these tests they wanted me to have, they told me not to exert myself (ie, no more running) - so that kind of put a damper on this year's 10K run training.

Assuming I get a clean bill of health on Wednesday, there's always next year's 10K Mud Run. (And there's the 5K Warrior Dash in July in Barrie which I'm signed up for - fingers crossed I can still do that one)

Why You Big

My six year old son's humour continues to delight and surprise me.

Last night, when he got out of his bath and I was helping him dry, he let out the yelp normally associated with a tickle.

"Dad," he said. "You just pinched me."

"Oh, sorry," I said, then proceeded to offer him a quick light pinch on his arm. "You mean, like this?"

That began another laugh, with him delivering a pinch. The scene quickly descended, the way these things often do with the two of us, into a tickle-bout style event, each of us trying to dodge each other's pinches while delivering our own attacks.

At one point, Alexander reached out and put his hands around my throat, pretending to choke me.

I did the same to him, saying, in my best Homer Simpson voice:  "Why you little . . . !"

He retorted, quickly, continuing to "choke" me and saying: "Why you big . . . !"

Of course, at that point, I collapsed to the floor, completely weak with laugher.

As I said, my son slays me.

HNT - Spud Wars: The Final Standoff

This blog post is a serialized story continued from HNT - Spud Wars: Alex Attacks

As Alexander was struggling under the mighty attack of Darth and his clones, and just as he was about to give up, a disembodied voice came to him.

"Alex," It was the voice of Mister Bunny.

"Mister Bunny," Alexander said. "Why are you coming to me in a vision as if you've died?"

"I have died," Mister Bunny said. "Even before this "slightly re-booted" version of the original tale, I died of old age waiting for this damn Darth Tater story to end."

"Re-booted story?" Alexander said. "What are you talking about?"

"Worry yourself not over this," Mister Bunny said, reverting to Yoda-speak. "A self-referential mention intended to inspire laughter in the reader was all that this mention is. Let's get back to the issue at hand. I'm here to give you advice, young friend. Use the forks!"

"I would if I could," Alexander said. "But I don't see any forks around here."

"Hmm," Mister Bunny said. "What about the farce? Can you use the farce?"

"Hasn't this farce gone on long enough?" Alexander responded. "C'mon! Give me something to use here, man!"

Mister Bunny's specter started to fade, and as it did he said this: "Just remember, you're stronger than you seem, braver that you believe and smarter than you think . . ."

"Oh sure, it's not bad enough that you're a bizarre spoof of Yoda and Obi-Wan, but now you're ripping off the advice that Christopher Robin tells Winnie The Pooh in "The Search for Christopher Robin"

Fed up, and thinking it's about time this story had more pictures than text, Alexander broke free from the hold Darth had on him, fell to the floor, and launched an all-out attack on the clones, smashing them with a series of punches, chops and kicks.

Wailing out a steady battle cry, he kept kicking and punching and chopping at them until they were nothing but a pile of Tater parts on the ground. And, with just his main nemesis of Darth Tater left, he lifted him into the air . . .

. . . and put him into a special Jedi-inspired arm-lock.

"Do you give, do you give?" Alexander said, with an iron-tight grip on his foe.

"Er, I gave at the office," Darth Tater said.

"No," Alexander said. "I mean, do you give up?"

"Yes, of course, I give, I give," Darth Tater said. "But, please put me down, I have something important to say . . ."

To be continued . . . next Thursday

What IS Darth about to say? Is he going to say he's is dying of boredome just like Mister Bunny? Are YOU ready to die of boredom yet? (Mister Bunny, died, BTW, in the middle of the original telling of this storyline back in 2006, and much like Obi-Wan and Yoda, his presence and sage advice is still felt in the Leslie household)

* The font used for the SPUD WARS logo above came from Boba Fonts on Fontspace - check out all their cool designs.

 

A Prize In Multiple Formats

I recently finished reading Neil Peart's new book from ECW Press called Far and Away: A Prize Every Time.

Like every single other one of Peart's travel-biographies, it goes straight up the "must recommend" list, but unlike his previous works, this one is the most interesting in that most of the content has already been accessible via Peart's blog.

You see, Far and Away is a collection of blog posts gathered from Peart's blog, something he started tentatively, back in 2005 (the same year this blog started). Using the title "News, Weather and Sports" he made some updates about his professional life, talking about completion of the book Roadshow as well as an instructional DVD called Anatomy of a Drum Solo and then ended up with a joke about weather and sports.

His next tentative post came in April 2006, the form of a "story" actually taking place. Shortly after, the next story came more easily, this time with pictures. By 2007, Peart had evolved his blog posts into a template he was comfortable with, and the words started to flow "with passion and precision." (Sorry, couldn't resist making reference to one of his lyrics)

And once he was in the swing of things, satisfied with the process of publishing online, the stories, the pictures, the wonder continued to flow. And, they eventually found their way into this gorgeous book by ECW Press, who also published Traveling Music and Ghost Rider.

I originally received a pre-production galley of the book via NetGalley, a great service for publishers and professional readers. Instead of costly, printed ARCs and galleys, often sent to bookstore buyers and reviewers, NetGalley offers digital secure gallies to be sent out.

I had the choice to read the digital galley of the book in multiple different ways, but opted to move it to my Sony Reader with the e-ink black and white screen. While reading in that format took away from the experience meant to be produced by the accompanying photos and original layout of the book, I was quite pleased with the experience, it being extremely portable and convenient. (It has also been over a year since I'd read any book on that electronic ink screen - most of the ebooks I'd read had been via the KoboBooks app on my iPhone)

One thing I knew for sure, however, was that I was going to want to own the hardcover when it came out. (And I did - the day it was available on bookstore shelves, there I stood at the cash register, proudly holding the hardcover, eager to bring it home, despite the fact I had already read most of it) And as I continued to read through the sequence of articles, adventures (which are, as Peart continually states in an ongoing ode to Hemmingway "no fun when you're having them") and retrospective commentary, I was blown away with the fact that there is, indeed, a prize in each and every tale collected in this book.

Peart seems most at home when he is not spotlit on a stage, but rather, blending into the crowd and absorbing the abundance of what each day's adventure has to offer.  He's not one for the fuss and bother of being fawned over by fans, and amazingly humble in the overwhelming "cheers" for his multiple creative outlets. His stories reveal that attitude as well as his thirst for perfection in his personal accomplishments and the sheer joy in the act of sharing these tales.

The blog posts are reminiscent of the personal hand-written letters that appear in Ghost Rider, in that they are the result of Peart's desire to put into words the things he sees in the world around him, capturing interesting moments and singular activities that become timeless and enduring.

After all, who would have thought that reading somebody's blog posts from 2009 about the strange personal quest for two neighbours to find the base of a "phantom tower" that suddenly appeared on the horizon in the Laurentian Mountains of Quebec or the tranquil reflections of watching a hummingbird family in the backyard bougainvillea vines could be fascinating for strangers to read.

But they are. And amazingly so.

Peart deftly brings the reader right along for each one of his adventures and observations. The experience is less like reading a book and more akin to sitting across from a dear friend on a warm summer night and listening to them recount the fascinating day they just had.

Photo of interior spread from Andrew Wolson's The AndyO Experience

It find it interesting that I could have read most of the content of the book for free via Peart's blog, or could have just left it at reading the free digital NetGalley copy I received. But if I had done that, I would be missing out on a truly glorious experience of holding the 10 1/2 " X 8 1/2 " hardcover in my hands, of flipping through the pages, seeing photos and then being drawn back into the tales that accompany them. Simply, the hardcover is gorgeous. It beautifully crossed the boundary between text prose and coffee-table picture book, offering much of the best of both worlds in a single bound edition.

The physical manifestation of the book itself is evidence of how a tried and true format of the print book simply can't be replaced. But even putting that "collectible" and "displayable" artefact aside, the compilation of these posts into a single package with a defined beginning and end give it something special, and I applaud Peart, his travel companions (who are also photographers), his editors and ECW Press for putting the proper time and effort into producing this fine book.

Apocalypse . . . Later

I'm not making fun. Really, I'm not. But I'm certainly having fun. So are a lot of others.

The Rapture and beginning of the end was supposed to happen May 21, 2011.

Let's be honest. The thought of the world ending, of the apocalypse? A little scary.  Even if a person doesn't believe or take it seriously, many can't help whistling past the graveyard.

I wasn't a believer that May 21st was the end of times, but I am a Christian. Religious beliefs are personal, and, of course, something that shouldn't be mocked or laughed at. However, that being said, I have used my own religion in horror stories I have written, both as a mirror held up to my own beliefs as well as a way to attempt to look at the beliefs I was raised with through someone elses' eyes.

I also understand that, for those who truly believed yesterday was a significant day, the fact the Rapture didn't happen is a big disappointment.

But some good did come out of it. People all over the world came together to share in some laughter, sometimes nervous, sometimes just raw unadulterated guffaws. (And in all honesty, I'm a firm believer that, no matter what spiritual belief you subscribe to, humour is universally good and something that can be shared.)

I participated in something being called "Rapture bombing" -- setting clothes up to make it look as if a person has been transported up to heaven. I thought it might freak out or confuse either some drunk stumbling home from a local bar or perhaps make a morning jogger look twice.

Mostly, it just confused my neighbours on their way to Canada's Wonderland early yesterday morning. They laughed when they later saw my Facebook post with the picture and the "ahhh" moment hit them.

There's a great article by Alan Boyle called "Left behind" by humorgeddon which nicely summarizes how the prediction opens the door for levity.

I particularly like the one post he eludes to in which David Kinsey, via a Facebook post suggesting people pose without their clothes (ie, pose their clothes without them in them), and then, at the end of the day, give them away to a charity. Great idea for people to have fun, then donate to a good cause. Two good things - a laugh, then a charitable donation. Smashing idea.

What Boyle says regarding the humour being a reaction to the stress of all the hype makes sense to me. A lot of my horror fiction, for example, pushes over into the absurd and dark humour in recognition of the manner by which we sometimes react to stress and horror -- we laugh. (I think one of my favourite collection of ghost stories is by Robertson Davies - it's called High Spirits, and the stories are just as humorous as they are eerie, they contain parody alongside chills)

But I've quite enjoyed some of the humourous references made to the Rapture, through Facebook, Twitter and in various other media sources. Twitter even had a humorous #endoftheworldconfessions hashtag. One of my favourites was when someone tweeted:  "I let the dogs out. It was me." as their confession.

One of the top 10 lists on David Letterman, for example, was regarding the top things to do during the "end times" - my favourite was the one about playing a slide whistle while the righteous ascended into heaven.

Writer Kevin J Anderson (@TheKJA) posted this on his twitter feed: "Oh, it's 6:30 already. I've been so busy editing I didn't even notice the world ending at 6 PM. Did somebody record it so I can watch later?" Seems he was making as much fun of our society's "I'll have it my way and when I want it" tendency as of the false prediction.

Another writer, Nancy Kilpatrick posted this to Facebook as her status:  "Well, now that the Rapture has come & gone, I can finish up with packing for NYC, I'm at BookExpo America on Wed., May 25th 10 am @ the main autographing (booth 22) for EVOLVE and 3 pm @ the HWA booth for CHILLING TALES. If you're there, stop by & snag a free signed copy."

A tweet I saw this morning from @MarkJustice went like this: "Hi, boss. I know I quit my job and told you I'd be in Heaven while you heathens would be left behind. Uh, could I have my job back? Hello?"

There are too many more examples to point to, but the evidence is clear. Speculation about the Rapture certainly allowed a chance for people to come together, be creative and share humour.

And that's a good thing.

Figuring Out The Figures

I'm always suspicious when announcements are made without any actual concrete statistics being revealed, particularly ones used for comparison. I'm sure you remember the statement often attributed to Mark Twain that "figures never lie, but liars figure."

Amazon recently stated that they are now selling more ebooks than printed books.

I don't at all doubt that ebook sales are on the rise. They're still relatively new, and their popularity is growing.  After all, being still such a "young" part of the industry, they really have no other place to go but up.

However, whenever claims are made without being backed up by actual numbers, real statistics that aren't shadowed in hyperbole, I take it with a grain of salt -- because somewhere between the claim and the doubt lies the reality.

I chuckle when I think about listening to Neil Pasricha, the author of The Book of Awesome and The Book of Even More Awesome talk at an author luncheon this past Sunday at Canadian Booksellers Association National Conference. Neil's New York Times Bestselling book was born out of a blog he started one day in an attempt to just focus on one awesome thing each day.

When describing his first blog post and the response, he joked that when he checked his stats after releasing his observation to the world, that he got a single hit; his mother. The next day, his mother forwarded the link to his blog to his father, resulting in his hits doubling overnight.

Interesting how Neil used that as a joke, but could have hidden the actual numbers from us if he wanted to impress. But he wasn't there to impress. He was there to entertain and uplift - something he is a nature at doing.

Neil's self-deprecating joke drives it home, though.

I could use similar statistics hiding the real numbers to let you know that visits to my blog in the past two days are three times that of what they were the same day last month. (Hiding of course, that there were no fresh posts in the "like" period, which typically has an effect on hits, or other outside factors which might have led to a temporary increase in traffic.)

I can also look at ebook sales within the bricks and mortar bookstore I work at (yes, we offer an option to a limited number of digital titles - have done so, in various ways for well over a decade, BTW) and state that our revenues for ebook sales are easily ten times higher this year than the previous similar period - and, without revealing the numbers, I'm honestly quite impressed by the revenues appearing there - but at the same time, while a positive number to add to our bottom line, and one I whole-heartedly welcome, those revenues wouldn't keep the store open on their own; we still rely on physical sales of products through our physical location, that textbook unit and dollar sales are still the core of our business.

But back to Amazon's claim. Ebook sales surpass physical book sales by a certain value. And this time we're not talking about "free items" counting as books. Okay, cool. We're talking units, right? We're not talking actual dollars or revenues - given the lower average price point of ebooks, there's a lower profit for everyone involved. Surpassing won't replace in a solid business model unless the supporting revenues are there. I won't try to iron it all out because not all the statistics are being revealed - there's no way to proper analyse the data when you don't have access to all of it. Just sayin'.

Again, I'm not doubting it's working for Amazon - they're brilliant business people, after all - they wouldn't have gotten where they are today otherwise; and it's only natural for a "virtual" retailer with a huge market share and virtual presense to do really well selling a virtual/digital product. I'm just a bit leery of extrapolating beyond their own closed-numbers results.

Canadian author Jeff Buick's ONE CHILD - availabile in print, ebook & transmedia formats

And I'm not saying I don't believe that ebook sales are on the rise. Why do you think CBA announced partnerships with two Canadian ebook options - Enthrill and Transcontinental? It's to allow more bookstores across Canada access to a growing market.

I'm just curious at the actual numbers, the actual stats that will likely never be revealed, and, while impressed with what we're being told, take this recent press release with the proverbial grain of salt.

HNT - Spud Wars: Alex Attacks

This blog post is a serialized story continued from HNT - Spud Wars: Mark's Last Stand

Upon discovering that Darth Tater and his army of clones had killed his father, Alexander launched a quick attack.

"I'll mash you all!" he screamed as he lunged into the room. "I shall take vengeance for my father's death at your dirty little spud hands!"

(Okay, in all honesty, it actually came out sounding more like: "Yeeeeaaaah! Egobbledy!" But really, you must allow the writer a little creative licence because that's exactly what the toddler meant in that battle cry)


"You will not succeed, spawn of the wretched man who ate my father!" Darth Tater announced, then turned to his army and said: "Eliminate him in the manner we eradicated his paternal unit."

"Huh?" one of the spud clones said.

Darth sighed. "Kill him!"

Alexander's attack was efficient and brutal, the way you might imagine an energetic toddler would crash his way through a room full of toys.

With giant steps he squished several of the Tater clones under his feet, and with Batman-like grace, style and cartoon captions which magically appeared in the air, he pummeled several of the clones into pieces of so much dead spud.


Yet, despite the youth's initial upper hand, the sheer number of Tater's attacking him put him off balance.

He fell back onto the couch as the clones began their redoubled efforts, lead by the leader, Darth himself, who felt he finally had the advantage.



Will Alexander get out of his current predicament? Will he pull a classic "Batman" move and pull out his anti-potato spray? Does anybody reading this realize the "Batman" references are made to the original cheesy television show and not the continually re-imagined series of movies made in the past twenty or so years?

To be continued in Spud Wars: The Final Standoff

To find out what happens next in this very silly story (But really, who has the patience or even the attention span to have continued this far in the story?) check back next Thursday for the continuing multi-generational, serialized, syndicated and re-booted storyline of . . .

* The font used for the SPUD WARS logo above came from Boba Fonts on Fontspace - check out all their cool designs.

CBA Libris Awards 2011

I had an absolute blast at this year's CBA Libris Awards.

Following the successful format used last year, this year's event (which took place during the CBA National Conference in Toronto) included a reception and dinner, hosted by Kevin Graff and Bob Phibbs, who injected a good deal of fun play and humour into the evening's celebration.

Some amazing photos were taken of the evening, so I put them together to some lively up-beat music from the talented Kevin MacLeod (I use a sample of one of his eerie bits of noir music for my podcast Prelude To A Scream) - This way, people who were there can re-live the fun of the evening in about 6 minutes, and those who weren't there can get a sense of the fun that happened when the book industry came together to celebrate one another and the difference that books and book people make in the cultural landscape of Canada.

The video link is here, and here is the press release with the official winner announcement.

There's Nothing Virtual About Death

I found out a few days ago that a friend of mine died last month.

Here's where it gets interesting, but isn't all that unique any more - not in today's online and connected society.

I've known this friend for about 5 years, knew her under various names/nicknames as well as her real name. But we never met in person. We were blogger friends. We'd connected via a weekly blogging ritual called HNT (Half Nekkid Thursday) in which people would post photos of themselves, typically taken by themselves, and then visit the other folks who would post the same. The photos would run the spectrum from "nekkid" meaning simple self-exposure shots of a person in their daily lives, or perhaps a simple shot of the paper cut on their finger they got at work that day, a picture of themselves with a dear friend, all the way to racy and less interpretive shots of "nekkid." But, often, the "exposure" wasn't the removal of clothing, but a peek into a person's inner self, an exposure of them. That, in my mind, has been where phenomenal connections and friends have been made.

I made a lot of friends through HNT and blogging (I started blogging in March 2005), some of whom I've established personal connections with "off-blog" and some of whom I've even had the pleasure of eventually meeting in person.

I never met Melanie Elizabeth Phillpott VanWinkle (also known in the blogging community as Stealth Bombshell and Texas Spitfire - perhaps other nicknames) in person. But we connected via blogging, via photos, via comments and silly humorous exchanges, and connected with our real names, later, via Facebook.

So I never knew her in person, but I knew her just the same. She touched my life, she made me smile, made me laugh, made me cry, made me think. I am a richer person for having known Melanie, even in this limited virtual way. And I am mourning her loss, but at the same time, wanting to celebrate her life and the fact that I have gained simply by knowing her.

The joys of the virtual online world exist. You can connect and share and communicate with great people you'd otherwise not have the pleasure of meeting in person. And that experience can enrich your life - because that's what other people do; they enrich your life.

But here's the rub: when that person dies, particularly when there's no "physical world" interaction in which people close to them know you know one another, what is the result? What is the healing ritual?

Typically, death involves ritual, involves a chance for people to say goodbye, for some ritualized sense of closure (even if the pain of that loss never fades away). But in virtual death, what is the ritual, what is the manner by which we can share our appreciation for having known a person, our sense of loss, our grief?

There was a fascinating discussion of this on a recent episode of CBC Radio's Spark between host Nora Young and guest Adele McAlear. And discussions like this help when dealing with this virtual loss. But it's true that we need to figure out a way to handle this all to common situation. A good conversation to continue.

But back to Melanie.

I found out Melanie died through another online friend who has enriched my life but I've not met in person. Osbasso recently posted a tribute to Melanie on his blog - the blog, whose weekly ritual connected Melanie and I, and thousands of other people together.

How do I properly grieve, other than post one of my favourite pictures of her and say something about her?

Thank you, Melanie - thanks for connecting, and thanks for enriching my life. May you rest in peace. May your dear friends and family find peace and comfort in all of the memories you gave them. And thank you for touching my life - there was nothing virtual about the way you enriched my life.

Melanie Elizabeth Phillpott VanWinkle

March 20, 1978 - April 12, 2011

CBA Weekend In Toronto

Where to begin after having just spent the past three days immersed in book culture with colleagues from across Canada?

Was it Friday's bus tour of some great Toronto stores and publisher/distributors? (Including University of Toronto Bookstore, Random House Canada, Ella Minnow, Mabel's Fables, The Flying Dragon and North49)

Was it that evening's author/publisher/industry reception?

Was it Saturday morning's keynote from Bob Phibbs, The Retail Doctor and his message that you can compete if you focus on the right areas for competitive advantage.

Was it that morning's technology update of CBA partnering with two companies one online (Transcontinental) and one in-store (Enthrill) solution to help independent booksellers be part of selling ebooks?

Was it the fantastic line-up of concurrent education sessions (Publishing your own books, Event Planning & Leveraging Technology to engage customers)?

Was it the whirlwind speed dating with sales reps luncheon?

Was it the fantastic exhibitor showcase allowing for an intimate chance to network, connect and learn more about what different publishers and business partners are either releasing this fall or have available for booksellers (along with a chance to chat with some great Canadian authors)

Was it the CBA Libris Awards reception, presentation and dinner, glitzy, fun yet brought down to earth and inflicted with many funny moments from the various presenters and award winners, but also by it's hosts Kevin Graff and Bob Phibbs?

Was it Sunday morning's annual general meeting which began a conversation and dialogue that continued in that morning's member forum (with progressive discussions that will continue throughout the year)?

Was it the Sunday author luncheon featuring Johanna Skibsrud, Jeff Buick, David Chilton and Neil Pasricha and getting a chance to hear them talk about their work & writing, hearing them read and a wonderfully informal Q&A?

Was it Sunday's keynote presentation from Barbara Crowhurt featuring driving sales by focusing back on the basics?

Was it the final networking chance to "Ask the experts" -- meeting with you colleagues and getting advice?

Or was it the absolutely wonderful chance to network and connect with so many colleagues and industry partners over the course of those three days?

I haven't decided.

I'm still overwhelmed with such a wonderfully jam-packed weekened filled with information, networking, intense dialogue, entertainment, sharing and a chance to simply celebrate what it is that booksellers do.  I am in awe of the commitee that put this weekend together, colleagues from across Canada, and the staff at CBA who kept things running mostly from behind the scenes.

What an incredible weekend, just perfect for this book nerd.  I'm still soaking in all of the learning, all of the information I took in.

HNT - Spud Wars: Mark's Last Stand

This blog post is a serialized story continued from HNT - Spud Wars: Darth's Revenge (Part II)

Just as Mark thought he was going to reach the forks and be able to use them against the army of cloned Darth Taters, one of the dozens of spuds attacking him stepped in and kicked the forks out of his reach away.

Mark was left with nothing more than his bare hands to fight the swarming taters.


But, without use of the forks he was unable to stop the deadly attack.

Although he tried desperately to get out of the situation, it was just too much.

In a very anticlimactic and disappointing plot turn, Mark was killed. Darth and his army of clones were victorious.

Darth himself stood at the head of his enemy's dead body and told his clones to stand aside.

"We must honour our enemy," Darth said. "And treat his downfall with the respect he truly deserves."



When the clones all stepped away, Darth stood silently, regarding his fallen enemy. Then he took off his mask, took a deep breath and said . . .



"Nah, Nah. In your face, Mark. In your face! Nah, Nah! I'm better than yoooou." Then he did a little happy dance and started to bop around singing "Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah. Heeeeeey, Goooooodbye."

But in the middle of his dance and celebration, a voice could be heard. "My Daddy! What have you done to my Daddy?"



It was Mark's son, Alexander. And boy did he look pissed.

To be continued next week in HNT - Spud Wars: Alex Attacks

With his father lying dead on the floor, victim of a clone spud attack, will Alexander achieve the revenge he seeks? More importantly, did Alexander bring any ketchup along so he can enjoy the fruits of his victory? (Seriously, has anybody ever seen a toddler attack a group of toys? Let's be honest here - Darth and his army don't stand a chance, now do they?) And if Mark is dead, how could he be writing this blog post? Isn't that one of those strange loophole stories where you find at the very end the POV character as narrator has died? Except, of course Mark isn't the first person narrator of this tale, I AM . . . and . . . er, okay, let's not go there . . .

To find out what happens next in this very silly story check back next Thursday for the continuing multi-generational storyline of . . .

* The font used for the SPUD WARS logo above came from Boba Fonts on Fontspace - check out all their cool designs.

EerieCon 13 Panel (World Building)

Following up on some more notes I took during EerieCon 13 in Niagara Falls, New York a couple of weekends ago, I thought I'd share a little bit about World Building from the discussion which took place on the Sunday afternoon.


WORLD BUILDING
How do you go about it? Where do you start? Do you have a formula? What works and what doesn't? Panelists: Anne Bishop, Lois Gresh, Alex Pantaleev, Larry Niven. Moderator: Mark Leslie.

World Building Panel at EerieCon 13 - Photo by Bill Hilliker

I was delighted to be the moderator on this panel because it was a great cross-section of various different types of world building. And getting to ask really smart and talented people questions is, simply, wonderfully entertaining for me.

This panel had a lovely cross-section of talent from across the genres/spectrum on it. From Larry Niven and the hard science POV, to Anne Bishop, who writes mostly in the realm of dark fantasy. Lois Gresh writes both hard science fiction and dark fantasy as well as a wonderful mix of everywhere in between. And as an interesting addition, the panel had Dr. Alex Pantaleev, who builds worlds and teaches world building to game designers.

The discussion was fruitful and lively, and I loved the comparison between creating worlds for fictional characters to move through in a story or novel and creating a world for gamers to move through independent of the creators. (IE, the concept of non-interactive VS interactive worlds)

I had been curious about different types of indexes or maps and how each writer organized their research, but was fascinated to learn some interesting details such as a good white board was sometimes all that was needed to keep things straight (as were hand-drawn maps). Also, Lois and Larry seemed to take delight in the research itself, enjoying getting into the hard science whenever possible, and it was interesting to learn how Niven's The Ringworld Engineers (1980) was inspired by various engineering problems his fans had written to him about from his original Ringworld novel in 1970.

And I find it interesting that I was privileged to get to interview these four great minds about world-building at EerieCon, because it had been the previous year when I'd conducted a podcast interview with Robert J. Sawyer to talk about the very same topic (although, as often happens, I slide a little off course every once in a while, all in the name of fun and interesting conversation, of course).

You can listen to that interview here:  The Writing Show Podcast interview with Robert J. Sawyer.

Not bad, (if I'm allowed to brag for a moment), for a guy who hasn't really built any worlds in his fiction, but rather, casts dark shadows across the world we know through his writing.