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Thursday, June 02, 2011

HNT - Spud Wars: All This Violence

This blog post is a serialized story continued from HNT - Spud Wars: The Final Standoff


As Alexander put Darth Tater into an unbreakable half nelson, Darth said: "I give, I give. But please put me down, I have something important to say."

"Wait a minute," Alexander said. "That's not how it happened. That's not the exact dialogue. You're changing the story."

"It's called creative licence, kid!" A disembodied voice said. "You need to bring the reader up to speed in a continuing story by summing up the very last bit of the previous episode."

"Yes, but that's lying, isn't it? My parents said lying is not good, and if I lie they will take my favourite toys away. What do you suggest I do in this predicament?"

There was a long pause before the disembodied voice finally said: "Please, just get on with it. Darth said he had something important to say. In response, you say?"


"Okay," Alexander said. "I'm all ears."

"That's funny," Darth said. "Because I'm all eyes. Get it? Eyes? A potato that's all eyes?"

"It's not funny if you have to explain it," Alexander sighed. "That's one of the reasons why this story is such a flop. Now tell me what you wanted to say."

"I wanted to say that if you look at it, we're even. Your father ate my father as a pile of french fries, and I slaughtered your father. So we're even. We should call a truce."


"Hmm," Alexander said. "You do have a point. Maybe we should call a truce."

"Ah," said Darth. "This feels good."

"It sure does," Alexander responded. "But you know what? All this violence makes me want to play violent video games."

"Yeah," Darth said with a grin. "Me too."


And so the two sat down and turned on the X-Box and started to play violent video games, proving the age old belief that violence in the real world breeds the desire to play violent video games (and that if you have to repeatedly explain a joke, it's not all that funny to begin with).

"This is a cool game," Darth said. "What's it called?"

"Astrosmash!" Alexander said. "It's a game my Dad used to play when he was really young on his Intellivision game system."

"Your Dad was young once?"

"Yes, apparently. You wouldn't know to look at him now, though."

"Hmm, I COULD picture him as a bald little baby."


As they were engaged in their game and chit-chat, neither of them seemed to notice a strange shadow creeping up behind them . . .

To be continued . . . in HNT - Spud Wars: The Conclusion

Does real world violence actually lead to the playing of violent video games, or is it the other way around? When do fish sleep? What is the sound of one hand clapping? If a tree falls on a blog that nobody reads, does it still make a sound? Okay, you'll find the answer to none of these questions, but you WILL find out who is creeping up behind Darth Tater and Alexander in next week's concluding episode of . . .

* The font used for the SPUD WARS logo above came from Boba Fonts on Fontspace - check out all their cool designs.

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