Big Monster On Campus

Yesterday we took Alexander and his cousin Madison to see Monsters University.  It was a fantastic movie and a wonderful prequel to Monsters, Inc.

While, as a horror writer, I wished I could have gone to a university like MU, I was delighted to see that they actually had a great tie-in website made to look like virtually any other university website out there, complete with admission info, faculty profiles, academics, campus life, etc . . .

Monsters University website

For example, they outline the various schools within the university, wonderfully mimicing

Academics listing at Monster University

They even go so far as to outline different courses for the schools.  Example below from the School of Scaring....

MU Sample course listing from School of Scaring

And, the cool swag shop called The MU Store for MU branded clothing (which is what I had been looking for) . . .

Banner for The MU Store

I had originally been looking to find a t-shirt that might have played on the "Big Man on Campus" motif.  I remember, when Alexander was a toddler and I had been working at the bookstore at McMaster, we got him a "Big Man on Campus" McMaster shirt -- he loved it.

I would LOVE to be able to get a "Big Monster on Campus" shirt for him.  So, though the MU store online is pretty cool, there are, I think, more opportunities to sell some really cool swag.  Maybe the Disney store already has one - I'll have to go check.

And, given the trend I have seen with university bookstores abandoning books in favor of tchotchkes and other branded crap (even abandoning the name "bookstore" in favor of "campus store" [insert loud audible sigh here]) I find it interesting that in this fake MU Store there isn't even a single mention of textbooks - despite the fact that Mike Wazowski spends a good deal of effort studying from some classic monster textbooks, and some of the ones used in the movie, however brief, were really funny.


[insert second audible sigh here . . . ]

In any case, it was a fun movie, and I really am interested in getting ahold of some of the fun swag; and, of course, going back and watching Monsters, Inc again.

MU forever . . . . .

HNT - Frightenstein

Let me be perfectly frank. I'm a gigantic chicken.

I'm afraid of the dark, particularly of the things that go bump in the night; I'm afraid of the monster under my bed and the one hiding in the darkest corner of my closet; I'm afraid of the creature under the stairs just waiting to reach between the stair treads and grab my ankles and the other one lurking in the shadows behind the furnace in our basement.

You name it, it sends a chill down my spine.

But, interestingly enough, I'm also drawn to those creepy things that frighten me so. I'm like a kid terrified of heights who likes going on the biggest and highest roller coaster in the park for the adrenalin rush.

Perhaps one of the many reasons I write scary stories is because I find so many things to be afraid of. In that sense, the terror in this writer's heart comes easy -- there's simply no shortage of things going bump in the infinite night of my mind.

So let us now flash back to a young pre-teen Mark visiting Clifton Hill in Niagara Falls with his parents. Young Mark is, of course, unnaturally drawn to the wax museums, but particularly to the House of Frankenstein and Castle Dracula.

Outside the House of Frankenstein lurks the Boris Karloff version of Frankenstein's monster. He spends his time walking around scaring kids. I, of course, got too close, and he immediately reached out and grabbed me.

Yes, I knew it wasn't really Frankenstein's monster -- that it was a man in a suit. But the hold he had around my neck was tight and it was difficult for me to breathe. I remember actually being frightened that I was going to be choked to death while my Dad whipped out the camera to take this picture and both parents were giggling and enjoying the moment.

I can still feel the distinct impression of the monster's cold, dead hands on my throat.

Or is that just my imagination again?

Night Fright Tonight

Last Wednesday while I was in the Sudbury area, I had the pleasure of meeting Night Fright radio show host Brent Holland. I actually met him in the studio in the middle of his live 2 hour broadcast last week. Fascinating experience. For the first hour of his show I was listening to Brent interview three intrepid gentlemen from the U.S. who run GhostTheory.com. I arrived at the studio at approximately 11 and got to listen to the rest of the show across from Brent in the studio.

And because there were a few minutes left at the end of the show, Brent and I chatted a bit about Campus Chills, an anthology of horror stories set on campuses across Canada.

Broadcast from the CKLU studios at Laurentian University every Wednesday from 10 PM until midnight in Sudbury, Ontario, the show is syndicated to affiliates in Sydney and Antigosh, Nova Scotia, Thunder Bay and Waterloo, Ontario, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Lethridge, Alberta, Abbotsford, Salmo, and Prince George, B.C.

But you can also listen online.

The first week of May I will be back on Night Fright Radio for a full two hour show in May talking about Campus Chills, hopefully with a handful of contributors from the anthology.

But speaking of contributors, the very talented Steve Vernon is going to be on tonight's show.

Along with being one of the wonderful contributors to Campus Chills (above is a picture of him reading from his story "Old Spice Love Knot" at the book launch in Halifax at Dalhousie University Bookstore), Steve's recent books include Haunted Harbours, Halifax Haunts, Wicked Woods and Maritime Monsters. Touted as "Nova Scotia's hardest working horror author" Steve is not only a great guy, but a phenomenally talented storyteller and fascinating to listen to.

I can't wait to tune in tonight (well, at least listen online, since it isn't broadcast in my area just yet) between 10 PM and midnight to listen to the show.

YOU'RE the Alphagetti Gobbler!!!!

Have you ever gone hunting with a bowl and spoon? And no, I'm not actually referring to the old Libby's Zoodles commercial; but rather, a similar one that I remember from my childhood.

I'm referring to the television commercial that featured The Alphagetti Gobbler.

In the commercial, there are two kids (at least two, I'm not sure if there were three) sitting at a kitchen table and listening to this googley-eyed monster with either a whack of arms or spaghetti-like tentacles warning them to keep their eyes on their Alphagetti because the Alphagetti Gobbler might eat it when they're not watching. (Okay, in my memories, the creature is starting to look something like Kang or Kodos, the alien creates from the Simpsons Halloween specials).

I think at one point the monster points behind them and says: "Hey, there he is!" The kids turn around, and when they turn back, their alphagetti is gone and the one kid says (in what I remember as a voice much like Oliver Twist): "YOU'RE the Alphagetti Gobbler!"

I regularly quote this kid, particularly whenever I want to accuse someone of something (like taking the last donut in a communal box of Tim Horton's donuts, or discovering who it was who borrowed and never returned my stapler . . . you know, important kinds of discoveries). Of course, whenever I do that kid's voice people either laugh their asses off because it had been decades since they saw the commercial, or they have know idea what I'm talking about and are really close to calling a doctor to have a look at me.

This whole train of thought was inspired by fellow blogger and Humble & Fred fan Mike Boon. Ever since I saw Mike and a group of others begin their hunt to find other people who remember The Alphagetti Gobbler and/or video clips or photos of the alleged creature that steals alphagetti's from unsuspecting kids, I'm having nightmares about him.

No, I never did encounter The Alphagetti Gobbler, at least that I knew of; because he does operate in a sneaky fashion. And I do remember at least once when a meatball or two went missing from a plate of spaghetti that I had once -- and NO, I did not sneeze. I think it might have been The Alphagetti Gobbler perhaps branching out and trying new foods.

I've been so consumed by the freaky memories of this monster that I've started a Facebook Group called I Remember The Alphagetti Gobbler. Please join, and please help us find this monster before he eats YOUR kid's Alphagetti's.

No Monsters Allowed!

There's currently a simple sign created using black Crayola marker that is taped to my son's bedroom door. It reads:

NO MONSTERS ALLOWED !!!

The no is underlined three times, of course, to emphasis the point.

Some time towards the end of last week Alexander started whispering the word "monsters" and "scared" when I was putting him to bed. I, of course, assured him that there are no monsters. I don't know, maybe he can call my bluff, because, as I'd feared not too many years ago, how was I going to lie to him about this? How was I going to tell him that there was no such thing as monsters when I myself was frightened of the bogeyman? In any case, he wouldn't buy my denial of monsters, so I told him that Daddy would protect him from the monsters. He whispered the word "safe" and soon after he settled in to sleep.

Then came this past weekend, when I was working late doing a stock inventory (and not arriving home until sometime after 11:30 -- well after Alexander's bed time) when Alexander's talk about "monsters" continued. Only this time is was "monsters" and "Daddy" and "safe" -- well with me still being at the store, and unable to protect him from the monsters, Francine had an excellent idea. She comforted him by giving him the power to dispel the monsters. She suggested that in the morning we make a sign to put on his bedroom door saying no monsters were allowed here.

It's quite cute. We all made the sign together. He proudly looks at it and says "No Monsters Here!" And it seems to work.

Last night, when I was putting him to sleep he started talking about the dark and monsters and they said "sign" and "safe" to assure himself that there were no monsters here in his room. Then he asked me if there were monsters downstairs. Again, my first instinct was to say: "Of course there are monsters downstairs -- monsters love the basement. They especially love hiding under the stairs and reaching out from between the risers to grab your ankles and trip you when you're walking down the steps. There's also more hiding behind the furnace in the shadows, which is why it seems like the furnace is making so many strange noises." It's really tough being an adult who believes in monsters.

But yet again I lied to him and said that there were no monsters at all in the house.

I started to envision making more signs and posting them all over the house. Then I started to think a little more realistically about monsters. No, not he creepy crawly stirrings of an overactive imagination, those things that go bump in the night. The real monsters out there. The predators, the evil, terrible people that every parents wants desperately to keep their children safe from. I know that soon after trying to talk my son out of believing in monsters, I'm going to have to explain about these real life monsters to him.

If only there were a sign to keep them away.

Under Your Bed, In Your Closet, In Your Head

Most adults know that there is no such thing as a monster under your bed or in your closet. Most adults.

Not me. The other night while I was holding my son as he went to sleep I started thinking (yes, Fran and I still hold him to put him down to sleep - I'm sure experts would tell us that we're doing this wrong, and should put him in his crib and let him scream at the top of his lungs for hours so he can learn to sleep on his own - but the bottom line is: too freakin' bad. He's my son - I'll put him to sleep whatever way I feel is best for him. I mean, he's a generally happy kid - always smiling and laughing - but when he's tired and cranky, look out! The kid can let the world know, in no uncertain terms, that he's not content). Anyways, while watching him fall asleep the other night I started wondering at what point he might be afraid to go to sleep because of typical childhood fears, such as the dark, or perhaps the monster under his bed or waiting to jump out of his closet.

I started to wonder what I would tell him. I know that adults are supposed to tell children that there's no such thing as monsters and that the dark is nothing to be afraid of.

But let's be honest. I'm still afraid of the dark, and I know that monsters are often hiding just out of sight in the shadows. And sometimes, when getting into bed, I sometimes find myself taking a quick leap so the monster that lives under my bed (or perhaps that clown from Poltergeist - I'm often convinced it's hiding in the shadows) can't grab my ankels and pull me under the bed. I'm okay with the closet monster in our room, but the one that lives in my mom's house where I grew up still gives me the heebie jeebies. (Fortunately, I was able to move away without that monster noticing and following me) The monster that lived inside the humidifier that my parents used to put in my room when I was sick also seems to have lost my trail over the years.

They're here . . . (those scary monsters)

So what am I going to do the first day that Alexander comes up to me in the middle of the night and says there's a monster in his room? I imagine I might react like Homer Simpson in this one episode where Lisa dreams about the bogeyman and Homer reacts by telling her to nail the windows shut while he gets the gun. I can see myself over-reacting in the very same way: "Francine, Mister Bunny. I don't want to alarm you, but there might be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house."

So I wonder -- what will I tell my son when the inevitable happens and he's afraid of the monsters he thinks is hiding under his bed or watching him from the crack in the closet door?

What can I say, other than: "Go ask your mother!"