Wattpad

Friday, March 31, 2006

Random Bits & Pieces

  • Since I don’t have Tom Cruise’s wads of cash, where am I going to get the money to pay for bodyguards to protect me me from Xenu (or Zoltar or whoever that evil alien is in Scientologist doctrine)?
  • I love the “squirrel” scene in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, but still don’t understand why everyone is so terrified of such a little creature. A spider or hornet I can see, but a squirrel?
  • On the flip side, I completely understand the killer rabbit of Caerbannog scene in Monty Python & The Holy Grail. (I’ve seen Mister Bunny in a bad mood and experienced his "nasty big pointy teeth")
  • As I type this, I’m sitting on the GO train between two ladies who are reading the free daily newsrags and licking their fingers before turning each page. I still don’t get that. Yes, after touching things on a public transit system like door handles, the seats, etc. You might as well be licking the floor or seat you’re sitting in. I wonder if those ladies would get it if I put down my laptop and started licking the seat I was sitting in?
  • Raymond Sobeski, winner of Canada’s largest lottery ($30 million dollars), is complaining that the media is ‘vilifying’ him. How can I put this? Oh, I know. “Wah, f*ckin’ wah!” At least he can afford to pay for bodyguards to protect him from Xenu?

9 comments:

Sheri said...

I'd take winning a lottery and being called a villian any day of the week. I know 'they' say money can't buy happiness but jeez.... I'd certainly like to give it a good try!

Licking your fingers after touching anything on a public place just skeeves me out to no end. Thanks for that Mark.

The Village Idiot said...

while I appreciate your appreciation for all things python...now I have several folks clamouring for womens underwear...on my body!

Thank you very much

You arent Zoltar-Xenu in human form are you?

lecram sinun said...

You need bodyguards? LOL!

BTW... I've posted Part 2 of "Lies..."

Tish said...

*LOL* Mark! Since you don't have bodyguards to protect you from Xenu, be sure to snap a photo of him when he comes for you. hehehe. I expect you to upload it to Blogger during your final moments on Earth. ;)

lime said...

LMAO! I'll give you a cut rate for bodyguarding you from xenu. i just ha da self defense class i can handle it now, lol.

monty python, now i just knew there was another reason i liked you so much. i have raised my kids well, all three of them can recite that movie, hehehe

i wanna see you lick the seat of the go train. i would pay to see that:-))

Ameratis said...

Just make sure you give Xenu ten shrubbery....then runaway! Run far though so he doesn't fart in your general direction or you will be turned into a newt and I am just not sure you will get better. Be sure to hide somewhere safe (and do not lick anything!) count to 3 carefully but make sure to pass through 2 but not on to 4. After this you must answer my question correctly and you will be safe!

Question: What is your favorite color?

:)
The Imp

Solitaire said...

I hate lucky whiners! And I don't understand that whole finger licking thing either... ew!

I LOVE Lampoon's Christmas Vacation... hilarious!

You're awesome!

Happy Friday!

Phain said...

I'll one-up you on the finger licker - bank tellers. Ever watch them go through a wad of cash, count, lick, count count count, lick....eeeew.

Kimberly said...

Xenu? Bodyguards? Killer Squirrels and Rabbits?

You've been licking the GO Train seat again haven't you?! (Visions of Mark declaring "I am the Lizard Queen!" ala Lisa Simpson fill my head!)

Too bad you didn't win the lottery..you could pay for the antidote...you could pay to have the Train sanitized every day!